Today chip-making giant Intel (INTC) announced plans to develop and manufacture a central processing unit (CPU) based on the work of accomplished mathematician and scientist William Dembski.
"The specifications of the new processor are very complex," said Intel spokesman Hugh Parsimony during the announcement. "We couldn't base the CPU on any of our existing architectures, because it just didn't fit. We had to throw out any ideas of using a multiple embedded-core design because the Dembski core, codenamed "Belief," was too unwieldy and didn't work well in that context. Or any other."
"The new processor runs extremely hot," said consulting engineer Dave Bergen, founder of Silicon Valley's well-known EmpiriTech engineering firm, about the new Dembski-based architecture. "The CPU is constantly busy calculating the bit-states of the universe across time, and that's a lot for any processor —multiple core or otherwise— to take on. The Dembski Belief Core churns away forever and then, like magic, spits out a calculation result. Usually randomly."
Intel says it plans to require manufacturers using the new chip to pair it with one of their well-regarded and industry-standard math coprocessors. "It's a beautiful chip," said Intel's Parsimony, "It's big and bold, and looks really good on a circuit board, but unfortunately the math of the Belief Core is terribly wonky."
"We've run tests using the new processor," said Sydney Cronin, head of Pasadena's CalTech Advanced Computing department. "When we use it to run applications that model evolution the chip inserts stuff like extrasensory perception and organs that produce force fields in the organisms we're growing. Weird."
There were no immediate plans by any major, or minor, computer or electronics manufacturers to use the chip, though interest has been expressed by gaming companies, specifically those involved in supplying video poker machines to the burgeoning gambling industry. "Our customers like to feel warm and fuzzy when they're giving us their money," said Matthew Marks, spokesman for the American Gaming Association. "This new chip will help them to believe there's a powerful force behind them when they win, if they win. Plus, that damn chip puts out a lot of heat."
Seattle-based Discovery Institute announced plans to use the new Dembski-based Belief Core in a line of laptops they will produce and distribute free to classrooms across the US, particularly the Bible Belt. The laptops will run Discovery's new operating system, Belief OS.